Cold sweats
Sick to my stomach
Wondering if im awake now
Or if im just partly out of the dreams
Its how i wake up now
And im not rested
But i get up anyways
Because i know if i don’t,
Its just going to turn out worse
My days in bed are easiest thought
Sometimes i tell everyone im taking a nap
Getting some sleep
Resting my eyes
Just so i can lay down and stop
Stop dealing
With the world
With continuing
With being productive
With moving on
Its easy because i get to sit
And think
Pull myself up a little
Ill get better and do fine
Then i hear a song in passing
Someone says a phrase
Or a familiar name shows up somewhere
And the thinking goes sour
Until i fall asleep with a heavy heart thats sinking
Into the dark
The abyss
The world below
And i wake up again in a cold sweat
And im tired still
Its not restful
Im tired in the eyes
And tired in the mind
Of
All the constant feeling
And nauseas dreaming
And evil thoughts feeding
On every seeming
Morsel im seeing or hearing
About the goings on in your world
that
Im
Just not
In
Anymore…
And it kills me
I should hate you.
I should be angry that I was left behind
In the darkest place i’ve ever been
With just myself
Without someone who said that they
couldn’t see
\where they would be
Without me
Walking along next to them.
I should resent that you are effortlessly
Continuing to walk and thrive
Forgetting all about what you said before
Whats a promise to a happy heart?
But i have no anger
We were like two travelers
Walking through the woods with a lantern
Guiding us in the light
I see you continue to walk while i stand here
Ive stopped
You keep going
The light from your lantern getting further
The dark getting darker
Im sinking further into ever present blackness
I call out in vain, I scream, I cry
And you don’t even notice
You don’t notice I’m not walking with you
Because i am not important anymore
And i see your light dimming and dimming and dimming
And all i can think is
“I hope she finds someone else to carry the light with her again.”
And I wake in a cold sweat again.
Its 3am.
Ive been in bed for 12 hours.
I hope she’s okay.
trip in my mind 